Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Starting Over

   Every few years, I go through this period where I so so so badly want to start over, new place, new people, etc. Just vanish and come to somewhere else. I cut ties with most of my past, holding on to just a few people and things that for one reason or another, I choose not to part with. I also get rid of most of the mundane things that tie me down, and I move on to other quests, journeys, and ideals. I don't have a good explanation for why this happens, other than that it's a yearning deep in my soul, to become something else, something other than what I've been. And I know that doing so is impossible if you refuse to let go of those things which keep you as you are.
   I should have known when I dyed my hair, or got another reptile, or when I started losing interest in so many things I once cherished, and could no longer find a way to enjoy such mundane activities as I once did. But somehow, I let all that slide. I ignored those feelings welling up inside of my being. Those screams for something other than I had. And here I am. Wondering why I'm holding onto these things, why I have yet to admit such feats as my soul does feel.
   It's time to move on, and I don't know how or where to go. I don't know who will chose to continue to be a part of my journey, or who else's path I should cross in the near future. This emptiness has dredged up way too far already, and I need another escape. A way out of the hole I've dug.
   I don't see practical a way in which to invoke these desired changes until spring, which eats away at my soul in anticipation. I'll try to maintain until then. The winds of change are blowing, and the direction in which the settle is yet to be seen, for now the tornadoes they form merely relocate and shift the world we know. And these things cannot hold ties forever, so as all things, we too must let go. And eventually, when these airs settle and the fields sprout anew, the damage done shall be but a memory and the blossoms will prove well worth the wait...


  1. i'm thinking a trip to canada :) I do agree with you on the need for a change though :) kycu!

  2. Canada? Gee, I wonder where you got that idea? ...Seems like someone might have mentioned that one to me before. Just maybe :P