I grew up under the assumption that blood is thicker than water, and that family can survive through anything. As I got older, I realized that blood means very little and family walks away just as easily as friends do, if not moreso. I lost my brother, my father, my aunts and uncles, and my grandparents to various excuses and explanations that made little or no sense to me back then. I'm still not able to make much sense of it. They're all still alive, but I'm dead to them, or might as well be. And I adjusted, I got used to it. I'm honestly not sure how much of an impact it really had on me even...
But I made up my mind that my children would have a different heritage. That they would always know both sides of their family, and have an open line of communication with them, in order to talk to them anytime that they wanted (despite being a state away). But what do you do when the feeling isn't mutual? Over the last 5 years I've struggled to keep in contact with people who don't return phone calls or messages, who ignore birthdays and christmas, and who can't even get the kids' names right...
So where do I go from here? ZoKo had a revelation towards the end of last year. She finally gave up on hearing back from the messages and texts she sent their way. At 6 years old, she decided it was time to stop crying every night over the fact that they didn't call, again. And she decided that mommy was right and it wasn't her fault these people don't care. That she wasn't the one who had messed up. And I don't know if she believes me when I tell her it's their loss, but it is...
In this chaos, I left them as friends on FaceBook, able to access pictures and updates, like maybe eventually that would make a difference and they'd start to care at some point. I wanted that line of communication left dangling so they could pick it up if they ever felt the desire... One of those lines was strung out to my kids' half sister and her mom (neither of which we have ever met). Turns out someone does care. They want to meet my kids, and to talk to them, and to know who they are, and to be a part of their family...
So, I guess half-blood is thicker than water some days. As for the others, I'm about to do something I swore I never would. I've already gotten myself plunged into a family feud of sorts, and have been criticized for "airing dirty laundry", because I finally decided to come forward and publicly announce their attitudes and behaviors as being wrong. My kids deserve better, and I'm tired of sitting by and watching these people pretend they are such upstanding folks, when they can't be bothered to acknowledge the cries of children lost in the background. So where does this lead me? I'm done. I've publicly lowered myself to their level for one last hurrah. I've made a public statement about how shameful their behavior is, and I've been immature enough to let their lives affect mine to that extent. For that alone, I will apologize. My kids deserve better than the low-life family they were unfortunately born as a part of. And watching other people treat children like that makes you just as bad, even if you can still convince yourself otherwise long enough for you to sleep at night...
So, having said this, and apologized, I am calling it quits. I'm handing in the cards I've been dealt, turning down the sheets for the night, and cutting ties with the past I was never invited into... I'm done keeping doors open for people that can't be appreciative of the lengths I've gone to to convince others that somehow things would work out in the end. It's over. You have their names. You can look them up when they turn 18. Friends nevermore, family only by blood, ties were never sealed and can ever so easily be cut... Peace out and have a good life...
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